Dear Tita,

I am asking your opinion on a problem that has been bothering me lately. My husband’s older sister Rita, is married to Tommy, who is six years younger than she. She is very much in love with him and in her eyes, he can do no wrong. Tommy is good-looking and is a ladies man. He can charm any woman he meets with his engaging ways.

I’ve noticed him flirting with pretty young girls who feel flattered with his attention. At times, I feel sorry for Rita who is unaware of her husband’s actions.

Rita is very close to me and she treats me like her own sister. She always wants us to have dinner at their house as she is an excellent cook. During these dinners, Tommy is always the genial host and goes out of his way to make us feel at home. One evening, while we were at their house for dinner, I went to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. Tommy came to the kitchen after me and offered to bring the bottle for me. As I handed the bottle to him, he suddenly took hold of my hand and grasped it tightly. I was shocked! I couldn’t say anything so I quickly left him behind and rushed into the dining room. In my confusion, I didn’t know how to react so I just kept silent about what happened. That night I was tempted to tell my husband about it but he has a temper and I didn’t want to make trouble in the family so I didn’t mention it. The next time we had dinner at Rita’s home, I made sure I wouldn’t be alone with Tommy. But as we said good night, he squeezed my hand very tightly before letting me go.

This has been bothering me a lot. I want to tell Rita but I know how deeply hurt she would be if she knew and I don’t want to hurt her. She is so in love with him and this could cause big trouble in the family, especially if my husband might react. But if I keep silent, Tommy might think I like what he is doing. Please advise me what to do.

CONFUSE

Dear Confused,

I know of some women who have similar experiences -- some with their best friend’s husband or relatives. And they have also kept silent, afraid to rock the boat. But this would only embolden guys like Tommy who have no sense of decency.  You have to put a stop to this by telling Rita everything. She will be hurt, but it is better for the truth to come out. She has to know how untrustworthy her husband is. Your husband should also know from you what happened. If you keep this from him, and if he finds out, he might blame you for keeping it a secret.

TITA