He blames me for what
happened to his children

Dear Tita,

When I met Gil, I didn’t know he was married. The attraction between us was so sudden – there was instant chemistry. He began courting me with flowers and beautiful text messages. I accepted his love because I thought he was the most wonderful man I ever met.

He treated me like a queen. It was only after we began going out together that a friend of mine told me he was married and had two kids. I felt my world crumbling down on me. Gil admitted everything when I confronted him. I got so angry with him that I ordered him to leave and never show himself to me again. He didn’t contact me for a week during which time I was missing him so much that I almost called him. By the time he called I was so relieved that I cried. I knew then that I couldn’t give him up, he was my life!

We tried to keep our affair a secret but eventually his wife Carol found out about us. They had a big fight and finally, Carol left taking their kids with her. Gil and I decided to live together. Soon we began hearing things about Carol: how she was dating other men and how she was having the time of her life, traveling to other places and leaving her kids with her widowed mother. I could see how Gil missed his kids but he wasn’t allowed to visit them. He began to get moody and despondent. I worried about him but there was nothing I could do. He began to drink heavily.

When his kids were in their teens, we heard that they were wild and uncontrollable. Carol had neglected them while they were growing up and their grandmother was too old to discipline them. His son became a drug user and his daughter was a wild girl, always out with her friends late at night. Gil would often come home drunk and pick a fight with me.

He blamed me for what happened to his kids. I tried to defend myself but he wouldn’t listen. In his mind I was the cause of it all. The situation has become so unbearable that I want to leave him. But how can I do that and live with myself? Please help.

                                                                                                                MISERABLE

Dear Miserable,

Gil is so ridden with guilt over what happened to his kids that he is looking for a scapegoat. He can’t admit that he is mainly to blame. This is why he tries to throw the blame on you. You say you couldn’t live with yourself if you abandon him now. But what kind of life do you have together?

He is a broken man, deeply despondent and unhappy with his life. Are you prepared to spend the rest of your days in misery? I hope this would be a lesson for people who are tempted to play with fire. Please think about those who might get hurt. The worse thing to imagine is that the people you love most are the people who would get hurt most. Think about it.

                                                                                             TITA

back to top