We can't give them the
wedding we promised

Dear Tita,

My problem concerns our youngest son Dan. We have three sons whom we sent to prestigious schools here in Bacolod . My husband is a businessman and we have been living a comfortable life for sometime. I must admit I had been so used to getting what I wanted most of the time that I never thought the bubble would burst. I certainly never expected our comfortable life would end so abruptly.

During the good times our two oldest sons got married and we gave them a big wedding each time, with more than 200 guests in attendance. My husband and I were active with a number of civic clubs here and so we have a lot of friends. A couple of years ago, when we knew that Dan and his girlfriend Nits were serious with each other, we promised to give them a grand wedding when the time came. Their friends were all excited and urged them to set the date, so they decided on 2008.

In the meantime, my husband's business started going downwards. He suffered so many setbacks that in just a short time, he went bankrupt. He couldn't pay the bank loan and his other debts. We had to sell our property and mortgage our house. Things got really bad and I had to tell Dan and his girlfriend Nits that we couldn't afford to give them the grand wedding we promised. My heart ached to see the look of disappointment on their faces but they assured me it was okay, and that, they understood the situation. My husband felt so bad about letting them down. He is a proud man and I could see how depressed he was over what happened.

Recently, Nits asked if it was okay with us for them to go ahead with a big wedding as her parents offered to pay for everything. She is their only daughter and they want to give her a grand wedding. I had mixed emotions about the whole thing but I told her, if it was what she and Dan wanted, it was okay with us. When I told my husband, he said he feels insulted by the offer. He can't face people at the wedding, knowing that Nit's parents paid for everything. What is your opinion on this?

WORRIED MOTHER

Dear Worried Mother,

If this was the USA , there wouldn't be a problem because the bride's family shoulders the wedding expenses. But here in the Philippines , it is the groom's family who usually foots the bill. In cases where the bride's family has money, they would spend for a grand wedding and this is also an accepted practice here. You and your husband feel bad about the whole thing because you had promised to give them a big wedding.

Unfortunately, you never expected to come into hard times. I know it must be difficult for your husband as he is a proud man. But Nit's family will soon be your family and families help each other. They have come up with a practical solution to the problem and I'm sure their offer is well meaning. I suggest you both meet with Nit's parents and talk about the whole situation to clear the air. Their wedding day is supposed to be the happiest moment of the young couple's life. Couldn't you convince your husband to swallow his pride for your son's sake?

TITA

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