I didn't know of her past

Dear Tita,

I come from Iloilo and was assigned here by my company in 2006. Being new in the area, I tried to meet new friends so I would enjoy my stay. Before long, I met Ana, an attractive employee of an office near ours. We hit it off right away and I was so attracted to her that I courted her after our first meeting. We decided to get married after a few months and settled down here in Bacolod . Ana quit her job to be a housewife.

At first we were very happy and excited about our new life together. But after a while, I noticed Ana was getting restless. She was bored staying home all day and was raring to go out after I came home from work. I was usually very tired after a hard day at work but still, I tried to please her by taking her out. Our monthly bills were mounting and I told her we would have to cut down on our expenses. She resented not being able to go shopping in the mall whenever she felt like it and not being able to go out with her friends. We often quarreled over money as she complained that she was not used to living on a tight budget. She kept telling me how she spent a lot on her “capritchos (whims)” when she was single as she always had a lot of money to spend. I felt guilty about not being able to afford the lifestyle she craved for, but there was nothing I could do as my salary was just enough to pay our bills.

Recently, I talked to a friend who knew Ana from way back and I happened to mention our money problems, and how guilty I was about not being able to indulge her in the manner she was used to. Her friend revealed to me that the reason why Ana could afford to go on her spending sprees when she was single, was because she had a rich businessman boyfriend who pampered her with lots of money. The businessman's wife discovered their relationship and the guy broke off with Ana. I was shocked! I never thought Ana was capable of being a married man's paramour. She seemed so decent and conservative. I confronted her about her past and she tried to deny it but after I told her what I found out, she reluctantly admitted everything. I feel so bad about the whole mess I got myself into. I blame myself for rushing into marriage without knowing my wife very well. This has changed my feelings about Ana. What do you think I should do?

STILL IN SHOCK

Dear Still in Shock,

It takes a special kind of man who would be willing to accept a wife's dark past. You are partly to blame for rushing into marriage without finding out more about the woman you wanted to marry. Ana should have told you, but she probably felt you could not handle it. Now the secret is out and you feel you have been used.

It is not a good feeling especially since all your illusions about Ana have been shattered. She is not the woman you thought she was. The thing you can do now is to ask yourself if you can still try to make a go of your marriage. That depends on how you feel about her. Do you still love her enough to erase the past and start anew? If you find this impossible, then there is no hope for your marriage. Think about it.

TITA

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