'He's bored after retirement'

Dear Tita,

My husband Ben, retired from his job after reaching the age of 65. I'm 46 and I still work for the company I had been working for since we were married. We thought that with his retirement, life would be better for Ben. He used to complain that he was so busy at work as he had to do a lot of traveling to check up on their company's different branches. His schedule was so hectic then that he longed for the day when he could retire. On the day of his retirement, his co-workers gave him a despedida and he became emotional bidding them goodbye. We were so happy that he would have more time for his family at home.

But after one week, he became restless and bored. He would complain about so many things that he never used to notice. Soon he began nagging me about the time I spend at work. While I was at work, he would keep calling me on the telephone as he said he had no one to talk to. It became so irritating to listen to his complaints that I got fed up.

We began quarreling a lot. What really got me was that he became jealous of the time I spent with my co-workers. Usually, after work, my friends and I would stop by for snacks at a fast food restaurant. If there was a sale, we would do some shopping which we all enjoyed. This had to stop when Ben complained. He insisted I come home straight from the office. We soon ran out of things to say to each other. I became moody and depressed while he was constantly nagging me and complaining about every ache and pain he felt in his body. It was no longer a joy to come home after working hard all day. The kids noticed the pressure mounting between us and kept their distance as they didn't want to be caught in the crossfire.

What I hated was his growing jealousy. He became suspicious if I wore a new dress or had some makeup on. He would ask me if I was seeing another man. Since I love to dress up, I deeply resented his attitude on this. Lately, he began hinting that I should consider resigning from my job so he wouldn't have to be so alone at home most of the time. I shudder to think that I would have to be cooped up with him the whole day and have to put up with his irritating habits.

Please advise me what to do. His retirement isn't at all what I expected.

FED-UP WIFE

Dear Fed-Up Wife,

Let Ben find something to occupy himself with - a hobby, or a club where he could put his energies to use. There are so many things he could do. Languishing at home all day would only depress him and make him worry about his health. Some people even develop into imaginary invalids, always fearing the worse. Don't let him force you to retire from your job. It is the only thing that keeps you sane at this time.

You might end up just like him - bored to death. The famous philosopher Khalil Gibran was right when he said, "Let there be spaces in your togetherness…"

TITA

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