'She doesn't love
me anymore'

Dear Tita,

I have been married to my wife, Ina, for fifteen years. Our marriage has been like any other married couple with its ups and downs. Our four kids are studying here in Bacolod. Ina is a very private person, not very demonstrative and a bit quiet, but I have come to accept her for what she is. She is a good mother and an excellent homemaker -- our house is very well-organized.

During the past months, I noticed that Ina was a bit listless and preoccupied. Something seemed to be on her mind but when I asked her what was the matter, she would just brush me off, saying it was nothing. I gathered she didn't want to discuss it so I didn't ask anymore.

One day while I was looking for something in our room, I opened her dresser cabinet and a letter fell out. I picked it up and was about to put it back inside when I saw my name written on it. I got curious and decided to read it. It was a letter written by Ina for her sister Lulu. In it she wrote that she had fallen out of love with me. She said she couldn't explain the reason why - it just happened.

She told Lulu that she wanted to get out of our marriage but she couldn't because there was no reason for her to do so. The only thing holding her back was our kids. She asked for Lulu's help in her situation as it was very difficult for her to try to pretend there was nothing wrong.

I was shocked! I never thought Ina had fallen out of love with me. She never let on that her feelings had changed. I tried to think of what I might have done to cause this but there was nothing I could think of. True, there seemed to be less excitement and passion in our marriage (our sex life wasn't

what it used to be), but I thought it was not unusual for two people who had been married for so long.

It's been five days since I read Ina's letter but I haven't mentioned it to her. I try to pretend everything is normal but deep down I am really bothered. Should I confront Ina about the letter? The thing that's scary is, what if she comes right out and tells me she wants to leave me? I don't think I could handle that. Please help.

FEELING UNLOVED

Dear Feeling Unloved,

For two people who have lived together for fifteen years, there seems to be a huge communication gap between you and Ina. What happened?

Why can't you discuss the problem rationally like two adults? It's time you open up to your wife and ask her frankly why she feels the way she does. Is it something you did or didn't do? Let's face it, you probably have been so used to each other that you both have taken each other for granted.

Why don't you both go away for a vacation and try to rekindle the fire of love that has remained dormant for so long? I don't know what Ina is looking for, but you must talk to her and find out. There has to be a way to save your marriage. It's sad when a person falls out of love. Like the song says, "Where does love go when it dies?"

TITA

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