'Hari ng Bolkan!'

Klieg lights illuminated the skies of the mythical kingdom under the volcano, Canlaon, on the night the fifth "Hari" was to be crowned. Note dahlings, the kings of beauty, brains and brawn rule and flex their muscles for only a year. Royal subjects and connoisseurs of the male torso from both sides of Negros, Cebu, neighboring islands, and imperial Manille filled the coronation hall, the Canlaon Sports and Cultural Center, that was "decked to the nines" with lights, cameras and much action. The show got on its way with a welcome address by newly elected dynamic Rep. Josy Sy-Limkaichiong of the 1st district of Oriental Negros giving the extravaganza prestige.

It was show time when the bare-chested drummers of the "La Carlota Drum Beaters" pounded and beat their drums to pulp. A great performance for starters. Reigning king of the night in his last performance, Mark Fabillar, in royal "ethnica" of earth tones, led the pretenders to the throne in a dazzling, mind-boggling and hallucinatory dance number with "barely there" costumes and "out of this world" headdresses. A quick jump to the modern world had the twenty-five hunks wearing "namby-pamby" street wear and doing an MTV dance number.

Next came a must in every pageant, the formal wear, with the guys wearing barongs in every imaginable color and design. Saving the best for last, with eye candy for every gender, the hunks displayed maximum skin and muscle in skimpy reddish gold lame bikinis. Ooh-lala!

We had seen the bodies, so now it was time to hear what they had to say…..famous Cebuano TV host Jude Bacalso in outrageous drag attire grilled them with questions. Members of the panel of judges: Belgian "film critic" Robert Malengreau, tourism kingpin Señor Don Ado Escudero, Bacolod beauty queen Cheri Frances Mendoza, "moi," and chairperson of the panel noted designer Patis Tesoro had questions to ask of the top ten called. Amlan's Jake Regada, Dauin's CJ Solamillo, Silay's Rey Defante, Sagay's Marco Ongsinco, La Castellana's Francis Adad, Manjuyod's Kenji Colacito, Sibulan's JR Placencia, Victorias' Paul Benit, Canlaon's Joven Gil Magbanua and Bacolod's Paulo Mirasol answered, with sense and sensibility. Dauin, Victorias, Canlaon, Sibulan and Bacolod moved on to the top five and asked each other questions. Alas, it was time for the coronation with the "long night journeying into dawn", easily winning the Sword of Malaspina or was it the Excalibur? Bacolod's stunner Paulo Mirasol (he got almost all the minor awards) got it from last year's "Hari" Mark Fabillar. First Prince was Sibulan's tall good-looking JR Placencia and Second Prince was Canlaon's serious faced and hot bodied Joven Gil Magbanua.

What did I think of the show? "Long live the Hari!" May your dynasty last for a century. I was "green with envy" for producers Ricky Schoen, Michael Ocampo and the Canlaon Tourism Council for putting up a grand and fabulous extravaganza. Bravo, bravo, bravo…………NOUS!*