Should I marry him?

Dear Tita,

I met Dino when I spent my vacation in Iloilo. I was immediately attracted to him because he was so different from the guys I knew. He was so much more mature compared to them and was holding a high position in a big company. He told me that he was a widower as his young wife, Celia, died while giving birth to their firstborn. I felt so sorry for him knowing how lonely he must be. We saw each other often and after a couple of weeks, Dino courted me. I felt flattered at all his attention. In no time at all, I told him I had fallen in love with him. He was so happy that I accepted his love.

After I came back to Bacolod, Dino often visited me and I introduced him to my family and friends. Soon he asked me to marry him. I said yes and promised him I would be a good wife to him and a good mother to his son. My parents were concerned that I was going to marry a man we hardly knew anything about. My mother asked her relatives in Iloilo to find out about Dino. What they reported back to her was a big shock. They told her what they found out about him. According to some people who knew them, Celia was a battered wife.

She often fled their home to escape his beatings. Her parents wanted her to separate from him but she was in love with her husband and would always go with him when he fetched her. I could hardly believe what I heard. My parents warned me not to marry Dino or I might suffer the same fate as his wife. I told them that Dino was not the violent type and that he may have changed after all this time. But my parents were insistent that I shouldn't marry him.

I haven't told Dino about what I found out. He still thinks we are getting married.

Should I tell him everything? What if he denies it, should I believe him? Please help me make the right decision. I don't want to lose him. But what if all the stories are true?

CONFUSED

Dear Confused,

There is a popular saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks!" You are hoping against hope that Dino has changed for the better and that he is no longer violent. But how can you be sure? Are you willing to take the risk? I would think it over very carefully and not rush into marriage with a man who is prone to violence. Your parents are right in being concerned. They know that love can make people blind.

You say that Dino is gentle and kind "hardly the type of a wife batterer. But that is the face he is showing you now. Who knows what his true character is really like? Please don't take the chance. You wouldn't want to spend your married life being made into a punching bag. You should be thankful your relatives found out about his past before it's too late. Don't gamble on your future. There's too much at stake.

TITA

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