Cecile M. Genove

Parenting does not stop when a child is all grown; it is an endless task. The greatest legacy that a parent can do to his/her child is to teach the child how to lose - it is because the child will lose anyway, so you might as well teach him or her how to lose.

The gift of family and the sense of security that it evokes has never been more pronounced and felt than in this season of love and hope. Such was the message imparted by celebrity parents Anthony and Maricel Laxa Pangilinan who breezed into town recently to speak about "High Impact Parenting" before parents, teachers, grandparents, guardians, and the significant others of students and pupils of the School of Basic Education of Silliman University.

The seminar took all of one year to plan and prepare for, considering the tight schedule of the couple who have taken it upon themselves to do advocacy work on how to be responsible, loving parents especially to children who are so-called Gen-Xers. But Judge Rafael Crescencio Tan Jr., president of the Silliman University High School-Parents Teachers Association that sponsored the activity, remained undaunted by the seeming obstacles, believing in the long-term effects and significance of the seminar.

Just as they had done in their previous nationwide sorties to promote their advocacy, Anthony and Maricel brought with them one of their four children, 8-year-old Donnie, who proved to be such a pro himself, while waiting for Daddy and Mommy to finish with their business for the day. As Maricel shared, "We always make it a point to bring one of the kids with us if we have to go out of town. This time, it's Donnie's turn."

The couple underscored the fact that every child and parent is unique. A parenting technique that may work for one family may not always work for another family given the same circumstances. Parker Palmer, a vocation and career writer, could not have illustrated these unique qualities in a more apt manner when he said: "An engineer honors the nature of steel, wood, and glass. If he does not honor them, his building will not stand." This phenomenon was also proven when Howard Garner tackled multiple intelligences as part of his doctoral dissertation. No one child can possibly be confined in one mold because he/she may prove to belong to any one of these intelligences - logical, linguistic, spatial/visual, interpersonal, intrapersonal, musical, physical/kinesthetic, natural/environmental, or spiritual.

To prove his point, Anthony used his personal experience as an example. He said he repeated nursery and entered grade school as a regular section student. In his third year in high school, though, he was able to enter the honor section. It was during this time that his talent in oral communication was discovered. It is common knowledge that Anthony has been a perennial host of beauty pageants, having anchored about 18 of them.

Maricel emphasized that parents should be careful in how they label their children. She related how she admonished daughter Ella, now 10, to behave herself in a public place, telling her to stop running around and clowning because she was already too "hyper." But, an acquaintance of Maricel, who overheard what she had said to her daughter, told her in return: "Stop calling Ella 'hyper;' she's only being happy." Quoting Zig Zigher, both threw a thought-provoking challenge to their audience when they asked a hypothetical question: "If you were to rate yourself, which role would you rate the highest: being a family person, a friend, a professional, a Filipino, or a human being?" Without giving it much thought, Anthony and Maricel said, you should give the highest rating to your being a human being, first and foremost. In much the same way, if you rate yourself a 10, then so is your spouse and child.

Veering into the relationship among spouses, Anthony and Maricel - who have been married for the past 12 years, a no mean feat especially among entertainment personalities - echo that "a shared vision provides direction." Both believe that what the mind conceives, the body achieves; what you feed your mind is what your body will naturally follow. A secret to their harmonious relationship is trust - "trusting to make the other person trustworthy."

In addition, they claim that it is possible to mix love and logic, or to make love and logic go hand in hand. Just as the split brain theory espoused by Jerry Sperry sets boundaries of what one brain with two sides (left side and right side) can do, such is also the winning formula in any relationship, be it between spouses or parents and children - creating a happy balance between discipline and freedom, if possible. In bringing up our children, the handsome couple sounded environment-friendly when they philosophized that pruning maximizes fruit bearing. An anonymous Manila zookeeper once said: "Wrestling a gorilla isn't an easy task. You don't rest when you're tired. You rest when the gorilla wants to rest."

Parenting does not stop when a child is all grown; it is an endless task. The greatest legacy that a parent can do to his or her child is to teach the child how to lose - it is because the child will lose anyway, so you might as well teach him/her how to lose. "That's the reason why some children know how to lose better," shares Anthony. But, we can all draw some inspiration and wisdom from Larry Crabb who said: "We are all twisted image bearers living with other twisted image bearers in the presence of an untwisted God, who is slowly making us straight."

Even as parents, who are normally the source of wisdom of their children, we can be students like our kids for life-long learning. Educational patterns today have shifted from periodic to life-long, daily learning. The university of today is laid out before us, and that is life itself. Jesus Christ said, "You must become like a child" in order for you to appreciate life around you.

Maricel related that Ella, who is an extrovert, has chosen to do home schooling today, which Anthony and Maricel supported because Ella said she wanted to spend more time with them. So, having sacrificed a blossoming career as a movie actress ("without regrets"), Maricel lives up to her role as wife, mother, mentor, and friend to all her children. In between balancing her time well with family, home, and personal concerns, she writes a column for a metropolitan newspaper about her role as a mommy.

Her decision to give up her movie career was not really that difficult. Having been a product of separated parents, Maricel is still working very hard to keep hearth and home together - after all, it's another never-ending struggle. The daughter of beauteous movie actress Imelda Ilanan and action star Tony Ferrer, Maricel eventually grew close with her stepfather, who also became a good husband to her mother.

"In order to have the best, we should do the best by being the best you can possibly be," Anthony challenged his audience. He said it is not what happens to you, but what happens in you that will matter in the end.

They admonished everyone to "love your spouse first - at least, try!" The ultimate secret is found in Ephesians, "Husbands, love your wives. Wives, respect your husbands." The cycle continues in any relationship, but everything will only be possible if you are connected to the Vine because as Jesus said, "I am the Vine, you are the branches." In a relationship, we do not settle for anything less.

The seminar concluded with a video about father and son Dick and Rick Hoyt. Son Rick was a paraplegic who was undaunted by his disability and went on to win in a marathon contest despite all odds. But, Rick could not have done his outstanding feat without the support of his father Dick who resigned from his job to act as coach and companion-adviser of his son. According to Dick, "I am the body, Rick is the heart."

In life's daily struggles, we don't need to run alone; together has power.

As we pray and look forward to more good things to come in 2007, here's wishing all our readers a peaceful and blissful new year!

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