'He's only
your boyfriend'

Dear Tita,

My boyfriend Carlo and I have been on for almost a year. We love each other very much and we plan to get married someday when we are stable. I am happy with him except for one thing - he is very jealous and possessive.

He says it is because he really loves me and I believe him, but sometimes, he goes too far. He doesn't want me to go out with my friends and officemates without him. He is also strict with what I wear, saying that he doesn't want me to look cheap like most girls who go around with outfits showing their stomach.

I tried to tell him that there is nothing wrong with it and that it is the latest fashion but he can't understand. So, to keep him happy, I try to dress the way he wants. My friends keep telling me not to be so submissive towards him but I also don't want to lose him. He gets irritated if I get text messages from some of my male friends who sometimes text me their silly jokes. When I text them back, he gets into a bad mood.

It is getting more difficult as I'm missing out on a lot of fun with my friends. Recently, an old member of my barakada arrived from abroad and my friends invited me out for a reunion. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing and I didn't have time to get in touch with my BF as his cellphone was out of reach.

I had a great time with my friends laughing and reminiscing over our happenings when we were in school. It was quite late by the time I got home. The next day, Carlo was very mad when he found out what I did. I tried to reason with him but he refused to listen. He said I shouldn't do things behind his back if I truly love him. He didn't contact me for days and I was so miserable as I thought I had lost him. Finally, he did show up and I was so relieved that I promised him I wouldn't do it again.

My old barkada wanted me to attend a farewell get-together for our balikbayan friend but this time I begged off. When my best friend found out that I couldn't go because of Carlo, she gave me a lecture about my being too submissive. She warned me that I wouldn't be happy if I married Carlo as he is too possessive. Is she right?

CONFUSED

Dear Confused,

He's only your boyfriend, not your husband and already, he acts like he owns you. Can you imagine what life would be like if you married him?

Obsessive jealousy is not a sign of love - it is a sign of insecurity. It shows he does not trust you; that he wants to possess you completely. Please don't believe that it is very romantic, it is not. Believe me, you will be very miserable if you marry him. You will not be your own person if you let him dominate you totally. You are a person, not a possession. Girl, don't always give in to him whenever he throws a tantrum or you will be a doormat forever.

TITA

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