'They blame my son'

Dear Tita,

My teenage son Carlito and his best friend JB were very close. They were always together in school, in their outings or even just at home playing the guitar or singing. JB often stayed at our house on weekends as his parents were quite busy with their business. They had expanded their branches to Iloilo and Oriental Negros.

My son Carlito is a shy and serious boy while JB was the devil-may-care type - outgoing and adventurous. He would often take the lead in anything new they would do while Carlito would just follow him. Whenever they would go out at night, JB would use Carlito as an excuse to get his parents' permission especially when they stayed out late. Because of JB's daring nature, they often got into minor scrapes in school and elsewhere.

Carlito often covered up for his best friend. I would caution JB about being too adventurous especially with unsavory characters around. He assured me that they were always careful. My husband was a bit uneasy about JB's influence on our son but I told him boys will be boys. I knew how close they were and how happy Carlito was with JB.

One evening, Carlito was all set for bed when JB arrived and told him that they had to go to see his girlfriend who was leaving for Iloilo the next day. Carlito begged off as he was tired from playing basketball but JB was so insistent until finally, Carlito agreed to accompany him. We didn't want to allow it because of the late hour, but JB pleaded with us saying it would only be for a few minutes and that they would be careful. Reluctantly, we gave in.

Around midnight, they still hadn't come home and I was already worried that something might have happened. It wasn't long before we received the news that on their way home, they were accosted by a group of drug addicts who were armed with broken bottles and knives. Sensing that they were in danger, they tried to run away. Carlito managed to elude the group but JB stumbled and one of the guys caught up with him and stabbed him. They fled after that and Carlito went back to get JB, but it was too late. That night JB died.

JB's parents were inconsolable at the death of their youngest boy. They couldn't believe that their son was gone. During the wake, JB's mother berated Carlito, blaming him for what happened. She said if Carlito didn't call up JB and force him to go out that night, their son would still be alive. Carlito tried to reason with her but she refused to listen. JB's family was so angry with him that they told him not to attend his best friend's funeral. They even told everyone about how Carlito was a bad influence on their son. I tried to talk to JB's parents but they insist Carlito is to blame for everything. I know that this is because JB had been using Carlito as an excuse to stay out late. I pity my son. He is so forlorn over the loss of his best friend and because he is being blamed for his death. He has lost all interest in sports and his grades have gone down. I am worried that this experience might scar him forever.

WORRIED MOTHER

Dear Worried Mother,

It is so unfair that JB's parents think Carlito was a bad influence on their son when in fact, it was JB who was using Carlito all along. Unfortunately, the only one who could tell them the truth, is dead. Now they are angry with your son and blame him for everything. There is no way you can convince them otherwise. It would be futile to do so. Don't attempt it now while they are still in deep sorrow and anger. You could probably try again in the future when things have settled down. Focus your attention on your son who needs comfort and strength to face everything. Tell him he is not to blame for his best friend's death and that someday, JB's parents will find out how wrong they were to blame him. Hopefully, in time, Carlito will get over the trauma of what happened. Try to ask his friends to help.

TITA

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