'I pity my sick father'

Dear Tita,

My mother was stricken with cancer after my parents celebrated their 27th wedding anniversary. It was terrible news as they were so devoted to each other. We grew up in a home full of love and care as our mother was a perfect wife and mother. She lived for less than a year before she died of the disease. My sister and brother, who are now living in the States, came home for the burial. They helped me console our father who was in shock and almost collapsed in grief. He could not accept that the woman he adored and loved dearly, was gone.

It took a long time before our father recovered. My sister and brother sent him money regularly and gave him the capital to start his own small business. We knew that this was one way of keeping him busy so he wouldn't feel lonely. After a year, I noticed that there was a gradual change in my father. He seemed more alive and began to laugh again. I learned that the reason was a widow named Laura, whom he had been visiting for a while. We were glad to see our father snap out of his long depression. When he told us that he wanted to marry her, we agreed that it was a good idea, especially since Laura seemed to be a caring person. I now have a family of my own and I was relieved to know that he would have a companion in his house. Their first couple of years were happy ones. My father's business was doing all right and my siblings were sending him money every month.

Suddenly, my father had a stroke which left him disabled and bedridden. He became totally dependent on Laura, who took care of all his needs. I would often tell Laura to just be patient with him especially when he became difficult and cranky from his illness. I thought she was taking good care of him until one day, a neighbor of theirs told me that Laura was not treating my father well.

She kept shouting at him and was very impatient whenever he called her. This neighbor said she could hear everything that was going on because her house was right beside theirs. She said she pitied my father because of the bad treatment he was getting from his wife.

I immediately talked to my father and he kept insisting that it was not true. He said Laura was very good to him and that he loved her very much. Not long after, a relative of ours confirmed everything when he told me that he had witnessed how badly Laura treated my father. He had gone to visit him and heard Laura shouting at my father as she didn't know our relative was inside their house. Once again I questioned my father about it and told him that if this was what was really happening, then I wanted to bring him to my house so I could take good care of him. He vehemently refused saying that he loved his wife and would rather die than be separated from her. I realized then that it was hopeless. I have been avoiding Laura since I found out what was happening. I'm so worried about my father. Please advise me on what to do.

DEVOTED DAUGHTER

Dear Devoted Daughter,

It is so unfortunate that the woman your father fell in love with and married, turned out to be a horrible person. She really fooled your father into believing that she loved him. But now that he is helpless and totally dependent on her, her true character surfaced. The problem is he loves her deeply, in spite of how badly she treats him and he won't leave her. Since you can't force him to leave her, what you can do is talk to Laura frankly. Tell her that if it is too much for her taking care of your sick father, then you should get a professional caregiver to attend to his needs. Anyway, your siblings abroad are sending enough money to pay for the caregiver. You have the right to interfere in this matter as this concerns your own father. She shouldn't be shouting at him now that he is old and disabled.

TITA

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