'I married a wife-batterer!'

Dear Tita,

My husband Marty (not his real name), is a lawyer here in Bacolod. He is quite popular and very active in civic affairs. We have three children, two boys and one girl. I am a working wife with a very hectic schedule. Looking at us, you would never think he is capable of doing what he does to me. People think he is kind and helpful as he has terrific PR. Our friends often say how they admire us for our success in our careers and our marriage. Little do they know what is really happening.

I met Marty when he was about to take the Bar exams and was impressed by his outgoing personality and intelligence. When he passed the exams, he courted me and I said yes. We were sweethearts for three years before we got married. During that time, I noticed that he had a temper but I dismissed it as one of those things. I should have been warned even then. Later, after we were married, he became more temperamental especially if he lost a case. It wasn't long before he got physically abusive.

Every time he hit me, I would leave and he would come after me, looking very contrite until I'd be convinced to go back to him. But the violence didn't stop. Sometimes I would go to work with bruises on my arms and legs which I tried to cover up with make-up. Whenever someone would ask me about them, I came up with lots of excuses - I slipped in the bathroom, I hit the door in a rush, etc. My officemates probably suspected what was going on but they never said a word.

This has been going on for years. I had hoped he would change but he hasn't, even though I try my best not to get him angry. Every time he gets into a bad mood, I begin to tremble, knowing that he might hit me as he can't control his temper. I cover up for him because I don't want to ruin his reputation and because I am so ashamed to let anyone know that he is a wife-batterer. I can't leave him because I don't want my kids to be without a father. Am I doing the right thing?

BATTERED WIFE

Dear Battered Wife,

Domestic violence could happen to anybody - rich or poor, professionals or laborers, young or old, etc. It does not discriminate. Why do you allow him to hit you and not do anything about it? I'm sure you know that our laws protect women and children against violence. You have done nothing to be ashamed about. It is he who should be ashamed for being such a bully. The reason why he keeps on hitting you when he gets angry is because you let him get away with it. He knows you wouldn't dare expose him for the brute that he really is. Remember, you were not placed on this earth to be a punching bag for this cruel man. It's time you do something before it's too late. If it means leaving him for good, then so be it. Why spend the rest of your life in a miserable marriage? He has no respect for you and I doubt if he really loves you. Don't just walk out the door - RUN!

TITA

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