'Should I leave him?'

Dear Tita,

I left Bacolod to work abroad as a caregiver even though I am a college graduate, because jobs are so hard to come by and I wanted to help my parents and my siblings. It was difficult to leave my boyfriend, Manuel, but I knew it had to be done. When he tried to stop me from going, we had a fight and broke up. It was with a heavy heart that I left. Luckily, I was hired by a kind and considerate Australian couple in HongKong who treated me like a member of their family. They liked me so much that after two years, they took me along when they moved to Australia. I was able to send money so my parents could have the house repaired and my siblings could continue their schooling.

Soon I met Steven, an Australian widower who fell in love with me. He courted me and I accepted. We got married after eight months and I happily settled down with him in Melbourne where we bought a house. My family was so surprised when I told them I had gotten married to an Australian. After a year, Steven retired and we decided to come to visit Bacolod so he could meet my family and friends.

At first, Steven tried to adjust to our ways even though I knew it was difficult for him to understand how things are done here. When my relatives and friends knew that I was back, they started coming to visit me at all hours of the day. Some of them told me how much they needed financial assistance and so I gave them money to help them. The others kept coming and we had to invite them to have lunch or dinner with us. Our daily budget for food was enormous. It was overwhelming for Steven, who is a shy and quiet sort of guy, to cope with our customs and our culture. He couldn't understand why so many people came to me for money or why we had to feed so many visitors almost everyday. He began to resent it and told me so. We started having loud arguments and I saw a side of him that I hadn't seen before.

He became suspicious about how I spent our money and kept asking why I was spending so much. I accused him of being selfish and inconsiderate and he accused me of being a sucker for all sorts of sob stories. Gradually, my husband changed from being a smiling, likeable guy to a sullen and moody person. Clearly, it was hard for him to adjust. Now that our money ran out, Steven wants us to go home to Australia.

He doesn't like it here. My family resents his attitude and told me not to go with him. I am so mad at him for not trying hard enough. Should I let him go back alone?

UNHAPPY WIFE

Dear Unhappy Wife,

Marriage is difficult enough between two people of the same background and race. It is a hundred times more difficult between two people of different races. If you love each other enough, you could both try to adjust as best you can. Why don't you go home to Australia and see if you'll both be happy again. The pressures of living in a strange and different culture has probably affected Steven that he seems to have become a stranger to you. Perhaps when you are back home, he will relax and be his old self again.

However, if you find it impossible to live with him, then you have to decide on your next step. But you must think things over before you do something you might regret.

TITA

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