'My brother-in-law
is overstaying'

Dear Tita,

My husband has an older brother Ramy who used to live in Iloilo. They are very close to each other and constantly keep in touch. My husband is very responsible and hardworking aside from the fact that he is so loving and caring towards his family. Ramy is the opposite. Although he is older than my husband, he is irresponsible and unreliable. His wife, Lita, has been the breadwinner as Ramy is often out of work. He can't seem to hold on to a job for long and keeps on moving from one place of work to another.

Last year, I got a call from Lita, telling me that she couldn't take it anymore and was leaving Ramy. She was moving to a new place with their three kids. I could understand her situation as I knew how difficult it has been for her all these years. After a few weeks, we got a big surprise when Ramy suddenly showed up at our house. He told us that he decided to leave Iloilo as he couldn't afford to pay the rent of their house because he was out of work. He asked if he could stay with us temporarily until he found a job and a place of his own. We live in a two-bedroom house and so I had to let our 10-year-old son sleep with us in our bedroom while Ramy stayed in his room, which is smaller and could accommodate only one person. My husband tried to make me feel better by assuring me that his brother would be moving out as soon as he could. Reluctantly, I agreed. Two months had passed and Ramy still hadn't found a job. He just stayed home watching TV and playing chess with his friends at the corner store. To make matters worse, he would leave his things all around the house and when we got back from work at night, the house would be a mess. I tried to be patient and understanding but deep down inside I was boiling. Last Christmas I had to spend a lot of time cleaning the house as Ramy's friends would often drop in and have a drinking session until late at night.

I told my husband to let Ramy leave and find a place of his own but he can't as he still hasn't found a job. My husband says he can't abandon his brother in his time of need. But having him here with us is such an inconvenience. On top of additional expenses for food and electricity, he keeps asking my husband for pocket money. I feel sorry for our son who has to sleep in our bedroom instead of enjoying his own room. Since my husband won't talk to his brother about leaving, should I speak to Ramy about how I feel?

ANGRY WIFE

Dear Angry Wife,

You have to put your foot down. It seems as though Ramy is so well ensconced in your home, that he has decided to stay for good. Everything is free - his board and lodging, even his pocket money. He is taking advantage of your husband's kindness. It's time to tell your husband that if he won't talk to his brother about moving on, then you will have to do it. A grown man like Ramy shouldn't be dependent on his brother indefinitely. You have helped him all these months. Enough is enough. He should look for a job instead of lazing around all day. If he resents your being frank with him, then so be it.

TITA

Second Letter

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