'My husband is
so unreasonable'

Dear Tita,

When my husband Nestor was still courting me, my parents didn't approve as they wanted me to marry someone from here (Nestor is from Surigao del Sur). They said he wasn't good enough for me and that I would be miserable if I married him. They made him feel unwelcome so we had to see each other secretly until something happened and I got pregnant.

My father was very angry and drove me out of the house saying that I had brought shame to our family. I begged for forgiveness and Nestor tried to reason with him, but he was so enraged that he almost hit Nestor. My mother had to intervene so he would calm down. It was a big scandal as our neighbors could hear my father shouting and people started gathering in front of the house. My mother asked us to leave at once, as she was afraid my father might have a stroke. We left that night and Nestor took me to Surigao where we got married. It was very difficult for me to adjust as I am an only child and I missed them so much. Every time I called home, only my mother would talk to me. She told me to be patient and try to understand my father. In time, he finally spoke to me and I was so happy. He said I should bring Nestor and our two kids to visit them. I promised him I would do that as soon as possible. However, Nestor didn't want to come so I gave a lot of excuses to my parents.

I got a big shock when my mother called frantically telling me that my father had a severe stroke and wanted me to come home. I rushed back here leaving Nestor with our two kids who had to attend school. I couldn't believe it when I saw the big change in my parents. My mother could hardly walk because of her arthritis and my father was bedridden, paralyzed after his stroke. They were so happy to see me. I immediately took charge as our house was a mess. I knew I had to take care of everything for them. They were both so frail and helpless. After one month, Nestor kept calling, asking me to come home to Surigao. I explained the situation to him but he kept complaining. He said I should get a relative to stay and take care of my parents as I must go home to Surigao. We have been arguing on the phone about this and we would often end up shouting at each other. Nestor refuses to understand why I have to stay with my parents in their hour of need. He called me a bad wife and mother. One time, he warned me that if I won't go home soon, then I should forget about my husband and kids and stay here permanently. He has become so unreasonable that I am worried about what's going to happen. I know that if I leave my parents now, I would never forgive myself if something bad might happen to them. What should I do?

DESPERATE

Dear Desperate,

I can understand how you feel. You are caught between the people you love - your parents on one hand and your husband on the other. The problem is that Nestor is being unreasonable about the whole thing. It is so unfortunate as this is the time when he should be more understanding and considerate. Your parents, who are both old and frail, need you badly. How could you possibly leave them? You can't abandon them in their hour of need. Try to make Nestor understand this. Perhaps he is still holding a grudge over how your father drove him out of the house years ago. But that's all in the past. It is now time to forgive.

TITA

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