'His ex makes me insecure'

Dear Tita,

I decided to find work here in Bacolod after I finished my college course in Dumaguete City. It was a new experience for me being away from my family and friends. Luckily, I was able to land a job right away. Gradually, I learned to adjust to my new lifestyle - that of an independent career woman. During one of the parties I went to, I met Rolly, a friend of one of my officemates. Although he was a bit older than the other guys I knew, he was so much fun and attentive that he made me feel like I was the most attractive woman there. He began courting me and I found myself falling for him. Our moments together were filled with laughter and fun.

After we became sweethearts, he told me that he was once involved in a serious relationship and had a son with his live-in partner, Sally. But their relationship gradually changed when the woman began taking him for granted. Things got so bad that they would end up fighting all the time. Finally, the woman walked out on him, bringing their son with her.

He tried to convince her to go back to him but she was adamant about leaving, telling him that she didn't love him anymore. It took a while before he could accept what happened

. I felt so sorry for him and what he had gone through. He told me how lucky he was to have found me. When Rolly proposed, I immediately said yes. My family and friends were all excited for me as they could see how much we loved each other. He made me so happy that people commented on how I practically glowed!

However, last month, we got a big shock when his ex, Sally, suddenly showed up. She heard about Rolly's engagement and decided to see him again. He told me he went to see her only because he missed his son. I understood his situation and even asked him to bring the boy when we went out on weekends. However, Sally opposed the idea.

She began calling and texting him often. I began to get irritated because she would do that even while we were out on a date. I complained to Rolly and he assured me that it didn't mean anything. Sally told their friends that she was still in love with Rolly and that she would do everything to get him back. When I heard this, I felt a pang of fear. Knowing that he once loved her made me very insecure.

I began nagging him whenever he didn't call or come to see me. He tried to explain how busy he was but I had a nagging feeling that he might be with her and their son. We would have frequent spats because of my jealousy. But I couldn't help myself - I was so jealous that I often hurt his feelings and he would often walk away to avoid further arguments. I know I am being unfair to Rolly with my wild accusations. Please advise me on what to do. I am so desperate. What I dread the most is that he might fall in love again with Sally.

INSECURE

Dear Insecure,

The way you are acting, you might really drive him back to his ex. Try to control your jealousy. It is a poison that can consume you, making your moments together filled with tension instead of joy. What man would want to live with a woman who keeps nagging him with her suspicions? On the other hand, be on guard about Sally. She is hell-bent on luring him back. Some people are like that. When they find out that their former partners are in love with someone else, they suddenly want them back again. Please don't let her change you. Nothing turns off a man than a whining, accusing lover. Try to be the happy, fun-loving woman he once fell in love with and adored.

TITA

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