'How can I leave him?'

Dear Tita,

From the first moment I saw Al, I was attracted to his dark good looks and his charm. He was so much fun to be with. The more I knew him, the more I fell in love with him. I couldn't believe that he would fall in love with me, too, and when he courted me, I said yes immediately. Both our parents approve of our relationship and I am very close to his family. We planned to get married this year. Al is very sports-minded and he loves to ride his motorcycle at fast speed. We all tried to advise him about the dangers of going too fast but he just brushed it off, saying he knows what he is doing.

Last year, I got the biggest shock of my life when his sister called me saying Al was in the hospital as he had a bad accident with his motorcycle. He was going very fast when another vehicle suddenly swerved in front of him and he crashed his motorcycle head on. In the hospital, I almost didn't recognize Al as he looked terrible. They said if he wasn't wearing a helmet, he would have died immediately. The doctor told us that he had injured his back and that he might be permanently paralyzed. We were all stunned. Al didn't know about this and he kept asking when he could get up and go home. I tried to be evasive but he could sense that we were keeping something from him. Finally, his father told him the truth. Al broke down in disbelief.

He became depressed and so despondent when he learned that he might not be able to walk again. Al was never the same again after that. He became irritable and angry over the littlest things. I've tried to be patient and understanding with him but he is so difficult to be with, always shouting and complaining. At first, I assured him I would still marry him in spite of what happened. But deep down inside, I'm beginning to have doubts whether I could stand being married to him. I am young (26 years old) and the thought of being tied down to Al for the rest of my life, scares me. Everyone keeps saying how lucky he is to have a loyal and steadfast fiancée who will stand by him through all this. Privately, I cringe whenever they say that because I realize I can't be the strong person they say I am. I'm just pretending. Please advise me what to do. I feel so guilty.

BOTHERED

Dear Bothered,

It takes a special kind of love for a person to want to spend the rest of her life with someone in Al's condition. Your love has been put to a test and you realize now that your feelings for him aren't as strong as you thought. You are trying to put up a brave front but deep down inside, you feel trapped and you want to be free. The problem is how to break off with Al at this time when he needs you terribly. You have two options - you can be honest about how you feel and break off gently and quickly. The other option is to gradually limit your time with Al until he himself will realize that the love is no longer there. Perhaps he might even be the one to break off with you. Either way, it won't be easy and you will feel guilty about abandoning him when he needs you most. You can't always pretend and in the end, hidden resentments will become visible and ugly. It's a tough decision but you must make up your mind once and for all.

TITA

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