'I can't stand my
mother's husband'

Dear Tita,

I had just gotten married when my father died of prostate cancer. It was a big shock to all of us especially my mother, who didn't expect him to die so soon. I couldn't believe he was gone especially since he looked fine when he walked down the aisle with me on my wedding day. I can never forget how he showered us with love all his life. He was 18 years older than my mother and they were happily married for 30 years. She was completely devastated at losing her dearest friend and husband. He was such a good man, so kind, so gentle and loving. I never saw my parents fight. They always treated each other with respect and love. People who knew him, admired him a lot for being such a gentle man.

My father had made sure my mother would be well provided for. Even though I invited her to live with me and my husband, she told me she would prefer to live in her own house with Marta, her helper, who had been with our family for years. It took a long time before she got over her loss. I knew she was lonely and urged her to go out with her friends so she could enjoy. I was glad when I learned that she was starting to play mahjong on weekends. After a while, I noticed that she began dyeing her hair and wearing make-up. I found out that she was seeing Joel, a guy she met while playing mahjong. When I asked her about this, she said they were just friends but I could see how vibrant she was. It wasn't long before she told me she was going to marry Joel. I was concerned as I didn't know anything about him, so I started inquiring from other people who told me things about Joel. They said he was jobless and had been involved with 'sugar mommies' who became victims of his charm. Alarmed, I immediately informed my mother about this but she brushed me off by saying she knew all about this. She also told me he had completely changed ever since he met her. No matter what I did, she remained adamant about her decision to marry him.

After they got married, Joel's true colors started showing. He is crude and vulgar. He shouts at my mother and acts like he owns the place. My mother doesn't complain but I know everything through Marta. He doesn't treat my mother with respect. It hurts me very much as I know how different her situation is now compared to when my father was still alive. My husband and I have avoided going to their house as I don't like him at all. I keep inviting my mother to visit us so she can enjoy her grandchildren. But she becomes tense and worried after being with us for a while because her Joel might get mad if she stays away too long. I feel so sorry for her. She has become withdrawn and unhappy. What should I do?

WORRIED DAUGHTER

Dear Worried Daughter,

Your mother shouldn't stay in this abusive relationship. Talk to her and give her moral support. Try to make her understand that her husband is taking advantage of her and he might leave her when she has no more money to spend on him. At her age, she deserves to have a peaceful and stress-free life. She is probably too ashamed to admit she made a big mistake in marrying her husband. You must convince her to decide once and for all whether she wants to stay in this human bondage situation or if she wants to be free. It's her choice.

TITA

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